“Hey Boss, the fuzz ain't far behind.”
"I've got you now cop!" "Now you're mine!"
I have recently written a story entitled "Do Whatcha Gotta Do." It is about the mob. These are sample spreads for the book that I am attaching with the Dummy. If you are interested in reading the story let me know and I will email you the dummy as is.
There is also a police officer hidden in almost every page of the book. See if you can find him in these pages.
I would love a critique if there is anything killing you or that you think I should change. Even an acknowledgment that you looked is nice sometimes too.
"I've got you now cop!" "Now you're mine!"
I have recently written a story entitled "Do Whatcha Gotta Do." It is about the mob. These are sample spreads for the book that I am attaching with the Dummy. If you are interested in reading the story let me know and I will email you the dummy as is.
There is also a police officer hidden in almost every page of the book. See if you can find him in these pages.
I would love a critique if there is anything killing you or that you think I should change. Even an acknowledgment that you looked is nice sometimes too.
First off, your finished images are stellar. You have really perfected your style man! At this point whatever you create I can really no longer create because its as much of a part of you as your arms are. Doing so would be just down right mean. Even though you have stubby T-Rex arms. HaHa.
ReplyDeleteMy only critiques are with the dummy which I read several times. The first spread (page 2 of pdf). Image portrays mob boss more as a restaurant owner than a mob boss. Thinking back on classic Godfather films I think the reader can identify quicker if you were to show hime seated at a table with a big plate of spaghetti with his made men standing around him. And I would even go as far as show a waiter tying a napkin around his neck.
Page 3 looks good
Page 4 looks good but needs to have a couple of mishceivous activity going on.
Page 5 this is where I start to loose the story. Is the music coming from the trunk because they have someone locked in there?
Page 6 are these guys who have crossed the mob?
Page 7 great but the story doesnt flow as good
Page 8 love the idea but again the story doesnt flow as well
Page 9 Same as above
Page 10 Great turning point
Page 11-17 perfectomente!
I would just focus on trying to tell the story both literally and visually a little more clearer in the middle part. Let me know if this helps. It probably would have been easier to call you than to type all this......
Thanks Cliff. I will take all of that into consideration. At the beginning of the story I was trying to make the reader have to guess if it was really the mob or not, giving hints that it was the mob through mischievous things happening in the pictures.
ReplyDeleteI will keep working on it.
I really like this concept! And I really like your "BOSS" character up close. It's so fun to see the richness in the patterns. Sometimes in your other work, its hard to know what to look at cuz the details and prints are the same sizes and shapes (busy busy), but I think you balanced the car chase pretty well. the design of the cars are so fun and classy!
ReplyDeleteIn the top one, I think the spotlights are a little too distracting. But I like your flapper ladies......It might have something to do with the temperature. cuz the stage is SO warm, which is fine if you want it to be that way, but maybe its the blue and green in the spotlights that's throwing me off a little. ....or maybe its the value of the spotlights against the backdrop of the stage. Maybe you could light up that dark brown a little. but idk...you'll have to play with it. :-)
BUT (it's a big but) lol
i am liking this overall!
Great job!!
Thanks Hollie. I appreciate your thoughts on this. I am having fun with project and am really hoping it goes somewhere. I am just tweaking the details and should be able to send it soon to Baby Tattoo publishing.
ReplyDelete